ASMA HAMID

I was sitting and thinking on the sofa in Holberry (our 'other house') when I suddenly blurted out that I miss Malaysia. Everyone then questioned me on how I can only feel that now when they missed the country right when they arrived. Maybe I missed it ages ago but I didn't actually feel that I miss it because that seems to happen a lot to me. I don't understand how my feelings and emotions work to be honest. I might be upset, depressed or lonely but I really won't feel it until my body acts on it (like being ill).  It has, however, been a good week. Settling in was easy and I feel myself becoming less and less childish. I met my tutor group and they were alright; my tutor is a lovely Italian lady! She was happy to be getting two girls as her tutee for the first time. Together, we made a marble run out of card and tape and the marble managed to complete its course which was brilliant! Immediately after, we went out to our university's merchandise shop to get o...

It has been about twenty four hours since I arrived in Sheffield and oh has it been a long day. I am currently fighting of the jet lag and the headache that's building up. The plane ride was smooth, no turbulence happened except for this one baby who kept on crying but who am I to judge. Arriving at Manchester airport, went through immigration smoothly but when I wanted to go through custom, for a scan I suppose, I got stuck in the cubicle and I had to get the woman to open it up for me (you're supposed to go through it smoothly). We were greeted by Kak Amira who brought us all the way to our house where we settled down and met the other Kakaks. They made us tom yam and that was lovely. Going up to mine and Hannah's flat, we decided on playing rock paper scissors to see who'll get which room so we got into one and did just that. I got the room facing the back but that's alright. I now have a walk-in closet and a bigger room than the one I have at home which is ...

It's so hard to accept that I have a little bit more than two days left here. And as hard as it is for me to accept that, a person told me that it's harder for my parents to accept that. Soon, I will no longer be a car trip away. I can't just call my parents and tell them that I am ill, expecting them to appear right before my eyes a day after. Soon, I wouldn't even be able to call my parents whenever I'd like (as if I call them a lot anyway). Soon, I wouldn't be able to go down to the food my mum made or the ones my dad bought. And unless I come back within the 3 years I am supposed to be away, I'll be missing all the jemaah prayers with my family, the car trips, the holidays, the birthdays, the jokes and the love. Someone told me that showing sadness would lead to more sadness. And as much as I'd like to bottle up and ignore my feelings like how I would often, it just isn't possible this time. This may come out selfish but I want to tell people t...

It's the 14th of September, five days to go and I believe that those five days will pass in a jiffy. My schedule from tomorrow up until Friday is pretty much packed with trying to get my departure settled and with meeting the people I need to meet before I leave. Will be settling the things I am planning on bringing and the documents I will need tomorrow. Then I will be carless for the rest of the week, which is alright since I need to pack my bags and clear my room up. Will reserve up my Friday morning to see my teachers from school and that is it, I shall leave with no regrets, hopefully.  Went to Muar for the weekend to see my extended family before I leave and to have a kenduri. For the first time ever, I was involved in the preparation for a kenduri and oh was it fun. Non stop playful disses from my uncles and aunties about how bad I am at cooking and cousins annoying me to the fullest. But when else am I going to get to experience all of that after this. Hugged and kisse...

Worked hard for two years so I could leave but now that the date is coming closer, the excitement of leaving is absent. Thinking about the people I'm leaving behind, the three years that people will spend without me, the childish and immature me that couldn't follow along, the events that I'll be missing out on and the memory of Asma that is embedded in peoples' minds. Who will I be in three years? Will I still be close to my parents? Will I still be able to laugh along with my siblings? Will I still be able to meet my friends and not feel awkward? Will I still be as tight to my GEL family as I am now? Will I be able to come back home and feel as if it's home? Will I still recognise your face? Will I still remember your name? Will I still be the Asma that you once knew? Who are you kidding, three years is a long time.