I knew I couldn't bear being home all weekend and to be honest, I didn't want to be alone either. Sometime midweek, at the same moment I had organised a game of badminton and invited myself over to M&D's flat, I also texted Faten to see if she had any plans. We decided to go to Epping Forest. I had prepared baked sushi and Malaysian-style sardine sandwiches for the walk which I was quite pleased about.
As I rode the tube on my way to meet up with Faten, I had a chance to reflect on my week and my own feelings. I'm about to be quite vulnerable here. I generally struggle with liking myself, but on days like yesterday, I managed to appreciate myself for the effort that I had put into making myself like myself a bit more. I know they say you should love yourself, but I think that's a bit too far-fetched for me right now.
We took the central line all the way to Epping, the final station, and started the walk through the forest. Sometimes, we followed paths that were barely there, encountered surprises like stepping on (hopefully) animal droppings, tripped over tree roots and unexpectedly climbed steep hills. During our walk, we also found ourselves wishing we had partners to go on the walk with. That thought aside, we also made plans for the remaining days of the year and had lengthy conversations.
We ended the walk beneath Grimston's Oak, and then we transversed my least favourite part of the entire walk - a big clearing with the sun just glaring directly at us. We hopped on the overground at Chingford and made our way to Liverpool Street to explore the Italian marketplace before heading to Spitalfields Market for some pad thai and custard crumble.
If Faten decides to leave, I'll genuinely miss days like yesterday. At one point, we discussed friendships and I've come to realise that I've never really been part of a large friendship group. Mainly because I struggle to maintain such connections. That's why I have multiple smaller groups of friends who are aware of each other's existence but rarely interact. It has been a bit hard to find that here and now that I have my small group of Malaysian friends, most of them are about to leave. Sadge.
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